Many people ask me about Ian's "diagnosis". For the most part he "looks" normal. As they say, you can't judge a book by its cover. I will now tell Ian's story from my pregnancy to the present. The good and the bad.
As I've said before, my pregnancy with Serena was a complete surprise. I promised myself that the second time around I would know it and be more aware of the changes in my body. And I did. We were at Kings Dominion during spring break 2006 and I was not feeling well. I took a pregnancy test when we got home and there were those two pink lines. I immediately contacted my doctor and began receiving prenatal care. At about 20 weeks my blood pressure started to go up and my kidney function started going down. At the end of September of that year I was put on bed rest. At this point I was told that if my health continued to decline that they would have to take the baby and his/her chances for survival were low. Some weeks my checkups were good sometimes, not so good. The days, weeks and months slowly ticked by. Each day the baby was growing and getting stronger. By Christmas, the doctor lifted the bed rest restrictions. I had made it to 38 weeks. At this point I had gained an enormous amount of weight which mostly was fluid. My doctor warned me they the baby was large, approximately nine pounds. The last few weeks of the pregnancy was hard as I was huge and uncomfortable. Finally, on January 3, 2007 I had a scheduled C section and Ian was born weighing 11 lbs 4 oz. He came out crying and peeing on the doctor. Unlike Serena's birth, I got to hold him immediately. Although all was good with him, all was not going well on the operating table. Because of Ian's large size the doctor had a hard time getting him out. I had bled out and needed a lot of patching up including getting my tubes tied which I had requested beforehand. I was also made aware that my blood pressure had spiked. After all was said and done, I was pretty banged up and in a lot of pain but I would be OK. As I spent time with Ian something didn't seem right. I couldn't put my finger on it but my Mommy gut was telling me that something wasnt right with him. While in the hospital he would shake. The nurses took his blood sugar and it was normal. All newborn tests were normal. He also refused to nurse. He would not latch on no matter how hard I tried. I eventually had to give him formula through a siringe. Eventually I gave up and went 100% to bottles and formula. At least he had some breast milk. After he was born I battled my blood pressure, post partem depression and a staph infection of my incision. I was in a dark place for a long time but my goal was to get back to work after missing over half the school year.
Everything seemed OK with Ian's development. Although he would only allow myself and one lady at his daycare to feed him, nothing stood out to me as being unusual. Ian was sick a lot with ear infections, flu, croup, hand/foot/mouth disease...you name it and he probably had it. By the end of the 2007 school year, things were not good at our house. I had sunk to my lowest point. One sign that I wasn't doing well was I quit my job that I had had for eight years. I started a new job at the school Serena would be starting kindergarten. I hoped things would get better...but they didn't....things would get much much worse.
Besides Ian being sick all the time, in the winter of 2008, he took a turn for the worse. He stopped babbling, stopped eating and he would sit playing with tags rocking back and forth. In my Mommy gut I knew what IT was but it took one of his caregivers with tears in her eyes to say "I think he's Autistic." for me to admit that he needed help. That summer Ian began Early Intervention services which involved speech, behavior and OT services. He was using sign language and I had some hope that things would get better. Boy was I wrong.
I decided to take Ian out of day care and began using a private babysitter who cared for one other child. At this point Ian had become destructive and physically aggressive to others. Which at the time, mirrored the conflict going on in our house. My partner and I were fighting constantly over money, the kids, and appropriate (or lack thereof) relationships with others. The day after Halloween 2008, it all came to a head, I finally ended the 12 year relationship. I had gone back to church and had done a lot of praying. I knew things had to change...and fast.
A few weeks later Ian's babysitter called and said that Ian had spit in her face and she just couldn't help him, and I would need to find another babysitter. A friend of mine had an in home daycare and offered to take him so I took her up on the offer.
Also at this time I began discovering the online world. I joined MySpace which was my outlet for the frustration, pain and loneliness that I was feeling inside. I was desperate to find something or someone to give me happiness that was missing in my life. And I found it er rather him. The man that would later become my husband. My ticket out of my misery or so I thought.
Ian turned two right after I got married in December of 2009. We moved to Alabama that next summer. Ian continued with Early Intervention until he turned three then he should've began receiving services through the school system. His speech had developed to the point that he didn't qualify for speech services. In that meeting I requested further testing because Ian was, after all Autistic. I was told to take him to a Private Psychologist for a diagnosis, which I did. Diagnosis of PDD- NOS (Pervasive Developmental Delay-Not Otherwise Specified) In other words he had some but not all the typical signs of Autism. Enough to qualify for school services or so I thought. The Special Education Administrator of that school system basically laughed at me saying Ian was spoiled but not Autistic. Ian was in a regular day care center/preschool and things were going from bad to worse, academically and behaviorally. Only after that Administrator retired and Ian had a huge meltdown which involved the evacuation of his preschool, did people finally listen to me. Ian was referred to the mental health system as well as Glenwood who are the "Autism Gurus' of Alabama. Ian started seeing a Counselor and Psychiatrist. Glenwood diagnosed him as having Autism and he was found eligible for special education services. The city school system didn't have any preschool special needs program so I got permission for him to attend the preschool program in the school system that I worked for. Eventually we would move so that the kids would live within the district that they attend school. Also leaving behind the school system that ignored my cries for so long.
After leaving Preschool Ian attended a "self contained" special education classroom for Kindergarten and now First Grade. He has spent ZERO time in a regular education classroom. I was hoping this year would be the year that he could transition into a regular classroom but due to his unpredictable behavior, it hasn't happened.
I took Ian out of church due to his behavior and lack of trained support.
So what's his diagnosis? As his Psychiatrist stated, he's a little bit Autistic, a little bit Bipolar, and a little bit ADHD.
Meds? Antipsychotic medications for his behaviors..Haldol and Clonidine
What behaviors does he exhibit? Anger-hitting, throwing things, kicking, spitting
Wierd food preferences, intolerance to loud noises, difficulty learning basic concepts, routine oriented and gets upset if schedule changes, self injury, obsession with death and at times he has been suicidal. Not to mention his tag obsession (purposely puts clothes on backwards to have easy access to tags)
What does all this mean? I don't know. We take each day one day at a time.
What is in Ian's future? I'm most in fear of puberty and him hurting himself or someone else. I fear that at some point we won't be able to attend school and/or will need to be hospitalized.
Suggestions for parents in similar situations. Advocate, be informed, don't pay attention to the naysayers, its your child and NOBODY knows what its like to be you. Be strong. Be brave. Make a plan. Try to live a normal life even though there's nothing normal about it.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Serena's birth story...(9/11 connection)
Serena's 12th birthday was Friday, September 13th. Every year around this time I get to thinking of the circumstances of her birth. Many of you knew me back then and are very familiar with this story but may enjoy hearing this story yet again. For those of you who have never heard this, feel free to laugh AT me.
Background info: The kids Dad, Jack and I never were married although we were together for twelve years previous to our 2008 breakup. Jack is fifteen years my senior, although he was previously married, he had no children. Medically, I had gynecological issues, which basically involved the lack of menstral cycles. I was put on birth control pills at nineteen to help this issue. Eventually, my doctor discovered that the BC pills were causing my severe migraines and was contributing to my high blood pressure. In 2000, I had testing done and it was concluded that I had polycystic ovarian disease. My testosterone levels were high and the likely hood of having fertility problems was high as well. At this point I was taken off birth control. I left the doctors office that day with the understanding that I would probably never have children. Jack had just turned forty. I accepted it and went on with my life.
February 2001, a teacher at my school passed away and there was overwhelming sadness that filled me. I felt awful. Sick, all day everyday. I'd cry a lot. I slept a lot.
Spring 2001, I'm feeling better, but my right thigh went numb. I'm lightheaded. Although I have little appetite, my clothes are becoming too small, particularly around my waist. While laying on my stomach I felt a baseball size "mass" in my lower abdomen. I called my OB/GYN and made an appt. for late May. I didn't tell the receptionist about the mass. I just said I needed to see the doctor. I just waited.
May 7, 2001. I woke up sick again. I went to work but I didn't eat breakfast. By mid morning I knew I was going to pass out. I went to the school nurse. Instead of calling for an ambulance she took me to the ER. They immediately put me on a heart monitor, ordered blood tests, CT scan and X rays. While I was having the CT scan, I was told by the tech that the scan had to be stopped because I was pregnant. I was sent to ultrasound where it was confirmed that I was twenty weeks pregnant. Five months...half the pregnancy was already over. I was also told that the baby was a girl.
Jack came and picked me up and I told him the news. We were both in shock. The next day I saw my OB/GYN, he confirmed the pregnancy as well. He was surprised.
In late August at thirty two weeks I went into premature labor. My blood pressure had also increased so I was put on bed rest and took meds to stop labor.
On September 11, 2001, I had a doctor's scheduled for that morning. The doctor said to stop taking the meds. I did. Labor pains started immediately. On the way home we heard that planes had hit the twin towers and the Pentagon. At the time we lived about thirty minutes outside Washington D.C. Phone lines were jammed. I sat at home recording contractions. I turned the TV off. I couldn't watch. I had contractions off and on that day and the next. On Thursday, September 13th I woke up with an awful headache. I had another doctor's appointment that morning. My blood pressure was 215/115. I was admitted to the hospital, put on IVs to lower my BP and induce labor. Later that night Serena's heart rate dropped and I was taken in for a C section. She was born that night. The name I had chosen for her meant serene or peaceful. How appropriate. So much death was around us but this sweet baby had given us such peace. Every year on the anniversary of 9/11 we refect on the events that changed the world. I think of the event that changed my life forever. The two will be forever entwined.
Background info: The kids Dad, Jack and I never were married although we were together for twelve years previous to our 2008 breakup. Jack is fifteen years my senior, although he was previously married, he had no children. Medically, I had gynecological issues, which basically involved the lack of menstral cycles. I was put on birth control pills at nineteen to help this issue. Eventually, my doctor discovered that the BC pills were causing my severe migraines and was contributing to my high blood pressure. In 2000, I had testing done and it was concluded that I had polycystic ovarian disease. My testosterone levels were high and the likely hood of having fertility problems was high as well. At this point I was taken off birth control. I left the doctors office that day with the understanding that I would probably never have children. Jack had just turned forty. I accepted it and went on with my life.
February 2001, a teacher at my school passed away and there was overwhelming sadness that filled me. I felt awful. Sick, all day everyday. I'd cry a lot. I slept a lot.
Spring 2001, I'm feeling better, but my right thigh went numb. I'm lightheaded. Although I have little appetite, my clothes are becoming too small, particularly around my waist. While laying on my stomach I felt a baseball size "mass" in my lower abdomen. I called my OB/GYN and made an appt. for late May. I didn't tell the receptionist about the mass. I just said I needed to see the doctor. I just waited.
May 7, 2001. I woke up sick again. I went to work but I didn't eat breakfast. By mid morning I knew I was going to pass out. I went to the school nurse. Instead of calling for an ambulance she took me to the ER. They immediately put me on a heart monitor, ordered blood tests, CT scan and X rays. While I was having the CT scan, I was told by the tech that the scan had to be stopped because I was pregnant. I was sent to ultrasound where it was confirmed that I was twenty weeks pregnant. Five months...half the pregnancy was already over. I was also told that the baby was a girl.
Jack came and picked me up and I told him the news. We were both in shock. The next day I saw my OB/GYN, he confirmed the pregnancy as well. He was surprised.
In late August at thirty two weeks I went into premature labor. My blood pressure had also increased so I was put on bed rest and took meds to stop labor.
On September 11, 2001, I had a doctor's scheduled for that morning. The doctor said to stop taking the meds. I did. Labor pains started immediately. On the way home we heard that planes had hit the twin towers and the Pentagon. At the time we lived about thirty minutes outside Washington D.C. Phone lines were jammed. I sat at home recording contractions. I turned the TV off. I couldn't watch. I had contractions off and on that day and the next. On Thursday, September 13th I woke up with an awful headache. I had another doctor's appointment that morning. My blood pressure was 215/115. I was admitted to the hospital, put on IVs to lower my BP and induce labor. Later that night Serena's heart rate dropped and I was taken in for a C section. She was born that night. The name I had chosen for her meant serene or peaceful. How appropriate. So much death was around us but this sweet baby had given us such peace. Every year on the anniversary of 9/11 we refect on the events that changed the world. I think of the event that changed my life forever. The two will be forever entwined.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Dealing with a cronically crtitical spouse
There's a preface to this post. In no way am I complaining or putting down ANY family member in this post. The purpose of this blog is to address my issues and how I'm working on being a better person. Criticism is a constant issue I deal with almost every day and I'm opening up to share my experiences with my readers....good, bad or otherwise.
Criticism. As defined by Google...the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults or mistakes.
Peter Clemens posted an article online called The Sensitive Person's guide to Handling Criticism. The post begins like this:
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re happily going about your day when, out of nowhere, someone criticizes something you say or do. Suddenly you lose focus and can’t stop thinking about what they said or
wrote. You know you shouldn’t be bothered, but knowing doesn’t help you stop thinking about it over and over and over.
That's me...all my life. Growing up, my mother was critical of so many things I did. Many times as a teenager I resented her critism. I felt like I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Everything from my choice of clothing, boyfriends or my grades was subject to her harsh criticism. I hated it. Fast forward twenty years....guess what? I'm married to someone who criticizes me even more than my mother did! What does he criticize? Well.....just this morning he critized the way I keep house, cook meals, deal with Ian, and my apparent laziness. Yep, can you imagine how I feel? This morning I cried. Like with my Mom, I try very hard to please and I ALWAYS strive to do my best with everything. But the feelings of being defeated and demoralized continue. Why? Because I let other peoples words affect me and bring me down. So what can I do to change this? I know what y'all are thinking....I need to kick his butt to the curb. No, that's not the answer either. Just like I couldn't change Mom i can't change my husband either. He's going to voice his opinion. So its my reaction and feelings that I can control. The first thing I realize about criticism is that it isnt about me, people are the way they are because thats the way they are. Secondly, I can't take the criticism personally. As the sign in my classroom says "Breath in, breath out, move on" Just keep going on. Lastly, I'm not going to let someone else's words stop me from being me and doing what I WANT to do and how I want to do it. I won't bottle up my feelings but channel them in a positive manner, like this blog. Will this cause problems? Probably, but I'm not worried. I'm working on ME, and he will need to work on his own stuff, which he refuses to do, so that is his own cross to bear, not mine.
Footnote: its already been brought to my attention that I should be talking to my husband about his criticism. I have, many, many times. He sees his criticism as voicing his opinion and he feels like he has the right to voice his opinion, which he does. But it hasn't changed the fact that he continues to criticise. As I said, I've addressed it with him with no change so all I can do is work on myself and have him deal with himself. That's the way I see it.
The advice I gave was pulled from the article I cited at the beginning of my post. More information was given in that article so I would encourage you to Google it and read it.
Criticism. As defined by Google...the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults or mistakes.
Peter Clemens posted an article online called The Sensitive Person's guide to Handling Criticism. The post begins like this:
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re happily going about your day when, out of nowhere, someone criticizes something you say or do. Suddenly you lose focus and can’t stop thinking about what they said or
wrote. You know you shouldn’t be bothered, but knowing doesn’t help you stop thinking about it over and over and over.
That's me...all my life. Growing up, my mother was critical of so many things I did. Many times as a teenager I resented her critism. I felt like I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Everything from my choice of clothing, boyfriends or my grades was subject to her harsh criticism. I hated it. Fast forward twenty years....guess what? I'm married to someone who criticizes me even more than my mother did! What does he criticize? Well.....just this morning he critized the way I keep house, cook meals, deal with Ian, and my apparent laziness. Yep, can you imagine how I feel? This morning I cried. Like with my Mom, I try very hard to please and I ALWAYS strive to do my best with everything. But the feelings of being defeated and demoralized continue. Why? Because I let other peoples words affect me and bring me down. So what can I do to change this? I know what y'all are thinking....I need to kick his butt to the curb. No, that's not the answer either. Just like I couldn't change Mom i can't change my husband either. He's going to voice his opinion. So its my reaction and feelings that I can control. The first thing I realize about criticism is that it isnt about me, people are the way they are because thats the way they are. Secondly, I can't take the criticism personally. As the sign in my classroom says "Breath in, breath out, move on" Just keep going on. Lastly, I'm not going to let someone else's words stop me from being me and doing what I WANT to do and how I want to do it. I won't bottle up my feelings but channel them in a positive manner, like this blog. Will this cause problems? Probably, but I'm not worried. I'm working on ME, and he will need to work on his own stuff, which he refuses to do, so that is his own cross to bear, not mine.
Footnote: its already been brought to my attention that I should be talking to my husband about his criticism. I have, many, many times. He sees his criticism as voicing his opinion and he feels like he has the right to voice his opinion, which he does. But it hasn't changed the fact that he continues to criticise. As I said, I've addressed it with him with no change so all I can do is work on myself and have him deal with himself. That's the way I see it.
The advice I gave was pulled from the article I cited at the beginning of my post. More information was given in that article so I would encourage you to Google it and read it.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Renewal in Autumn Blessings
Happy September! There are so many things that I love about September. It starts getting cooler, Serena and Carl have birthdays (not to mention both my parents birthdays, my Mom wouldve turned 61 this year). Fall, football, and the Sprint Cup Chase begins. I start seeing pumpkins and apples all around. I would say changing leaves, but that doesn't happen down here until December...lol. I love cooking chilli, stews and soups in my crock pot this time of year too! There are so many wonderful things in Autumn. I found a good name for all of these things.....Autumn Blessings! The air in Autumn feels so refreshing and when I go outside and breathe the Autumn air I feel renewed and rejuvenated. And that, my friend, is the true blessing! Since making my health and spiritual changes I have felt renewed and with the starting of September, I feel even more energized! I'm excited about living life and enjoying God's handy work around me. So from me to you, I'm sending warm hugs and a big smile to say something great is on the way and be hopeful in God's plan for us in this new season!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
be a warrior not a worrier
Its been awhile since I've posted. Yes, I've been busy, school is starting soon so we've had various appointments and I took a two day class. But really I havent been feeling up to posting. I want my blog to be positive uplifting experience for my readers. Lately, I've been struggling. As much as I have tried to give my worries to God, I have been bogged down with worry. I know many people may be worried about something at any point in time. Whether its financial, family, employment, or health worries, we all struggle with this. I could make a VERY long list of things I'm currently worried about. I have prayed and I SAY I have given these worries to God. Then I get frustrated because I see everyday that things are still the same. My husband reminds me that God is an on time God. He will provide in His time. I was reminded of this just this weekend. I drive a 2005 Honda CRV with nearly 150,000 miles on it. It has been a very reliable car for me. But I know with every mile I drive something may break. This summer I noticed that when I idle at a stop light or drive thru that the car would run hot and the AC would blow hot air. I put coolant in it and it got a little better. I then discovered BOTH my radiator fans had stopped working. My husband convinced me to take it to the shop to see if it was a bad fuse, relay switch or if they needed to be replaced. It was determined that indeed both fan motors would need to be replaced, with labor, would cost approximately $600. I was devastated. There was no way I could pay that. Several years ago I filed for bankruptcy so I lost all my credit cards, which by the way was the reason why I had to file in the first place. On the way to pick my car up my husband suggested that I/we try to apply for credit with the shop, for my Ozark readers, is Waley's beside McDonald's. I argued that I wouldn't get approved and I would feel even worse. It was an option and I figured that I had nothing to lose so I applied. I was approved.......with a $700 limit. I about fell over. I coulldnt believe it. God IS an on time God. I need to have faith that my worries will be taken care of. God will provide. I have to admit that there have been times when I didn't have money and I thought for sure that we wouldn't have grocery or medicine money. But we always have what we need when we need it. I don't always understand the HOW or WHY but God has provided. The other day one of my FB friends, Crystal posted the following:Knowledge is knowing when you can't. Faith is knowing that God can. Wisdom is finding a solution in chaos. Courage is making a change even through the fear. I read this several times. To summarize it... I can't do it alone..but God can find a solution if I have the courage to overcome my fear and believe that my situation will change. That's huge for me.....because I'm human and I'm a worrier. However, in building faith I will become a warrior and not a worrier.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Blessings
In the last few days things have been trucking on along pretty smoothly. My blood sugar has been within the normal limits, Ian has been doing well, Serena is looking forward to starting school and embarking on a new adventure.....band!
The other day Serena asked me one of her deep thought provoking questions. If you've ever spent time around this child you know she's going to ask you a question that's going to stop you in your tracks.
Her question was this "How do homeless kids get school supplies?"
WOW. I explained that many organizations donate items for kids in need and sometimes the child's school will give them supplies. "Oh" she said. You may wonder why would a care free 11 year old child ask that kind of question. I know why. She overheard me complaining about having to buy school supplies for two kids. I'm solely responsible for making these purchases plus clothing, and quite honestly, its hard on me financially. My kids need it so I grundgingly do it. Looking at my daughter I realized she was feeling quilty in a way, like her needs were a burden. OUCH!!
I saw a quote posted on FB that read " I may not have everything I want in life, but I'm blessed enough to have what I need. I for that I am grateful."
I spend too much time thinking about what I DON'T have when I have so many blessings right in front of me.
I am blessed with....
two beautiful children,
a husband who loves regardless,
a fabulous job with benefits,
wonderful friends and coworkers,
a house (with AC) to live in,
a car that is drivable,
The list could go on.
And I gripe about school supplies. Glue and paper.
I continue to work on making changes in my life, inside and out....remembering I am too blessed to be stressed! And for that....I am truly grateful!
The other day Serena asked me one of her deep thought provoking questions. If you've ever spent time around this child you know she's going to ask you a question that's going to stop you in your tracks.
Her question was this "How do homeless kids get school supplies?"
WOW. I explained that many organizations donate items for kids in need and sometimes the child's school will give them supplies. "Oh" she said. You may wonder why would a care free 11 year old child ask that kind of question. I know why. She overheard me complaining about having to buy school supplies for two kids. I'm solely responsible for making these purchases plus clothing, and quite honestly, its hard on me financially. My kids need it so I grundgingly do it. Looking at my daughter I realized she was feeling quilty in a way, like her needs were a burden. OUCH!!
I saw a quote posted on FB that read " I may not have everything I want in life, but I'm blessed enough to have what I need. I for that I am grateful."
I spend too much time thinking about what I DON'T have when I have so many blessings right in front of me.
I am blessed with....
two beautiful children,
a husband who loves regardless,
a fabulous job with benefits,
wonderful friends and coworkers,
a house (with AC) to live in,
a car that is drivable,
The list could go on.
And I gripe about school supplies. Glue and paper.
I continue to work on making changes in my life, inside and out....remembering I am too blessed to be stressed! And for that....I am truly grateful!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
FOOD and FAITH
It has been a week since my doctor's appointment. I'm glad to report that my blood pressure and sugar levels continue to decrease. Ive adjusted to this new way of life, however my children haven't faired as well. One unexpected side affect of not having junk food in the house is the kids are constantly complaining about being hungry, STARVING, in fact to use their word. If you've seen my kids then you know that they are quite healthy. What has happened is their snacking between meals has stopped so they are feeling hungry, all the time. Its been difficult for me because its innate for a mother to want to feed her children and whinning seriously grates on my nerves after awhile. But honestly, I see this as an opportunity to get the whole family to practice healthier habits, not just me. BTW, the kids are allowed a snack at 7:00.
I hate that it seems like so much thought and effort goes into what goes in our mouths. I love food, and for so many years I self medicated with food. Good food made me happy. And much to my dismay, I'm afraid my daughter is developing similar habits. That scares me. I know that our bad habits can't change overnight and it takes a lot of time, effort and prayer to change.
As I stated in my previous blog, I've been going to counseling through the Road to Recovery program at my church. What I didn't know prior to entering the program is that's its not just for people with drug or alcohol addiction but anyone who has "stuff" that they need to deal with whether its abuse, divorce, marital problems, negative self worth, ect. For me, fear and letting go of past hurts have been the areas that have been addressed. And through this most current trial I have learned an important lesson....I must have faith that my problems are in His hands and that not only will I come out of this situation a healthier person, but stronger in faith. Right now, my issues (and my family's) with food CAN and WILL BE defeated. As Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through him who strengthens me"
Many of you have shared your struggles with me, we all have weaknesses that we either choose to deal with or ignore. I encourage you to have faith, that you can and will defeat those things in your life that keep you from living your best life, the one God wants us to have.
I am determined that I will be happy with me.....even without a Big Mac in my hand!
I hate that it seems like so much thought and effort goes into what goes in our mouths. I love food, and for so many years I self medicated with food. Good food made me happy. And much to my dismay, I'm afraid my daughter is developing similar habits. That scares me. I know that our bad habits can't change overnight and it takes a lot of time, effort and prayer to change.
As I stated in my previous blog, I've been going to counseling through the Road to Recovery program at my church. What I didn't know prior to entering the program is that's its not just for people with drug or alcohol addiction but anyone who has "stuff" that they need to deal with whether its abuse, divorce, marital problems, negative self worth, ect. For me, fear and letting go of past hurts have been the areas that have been addressed. And through this most current trial I have learned an important lesson....I must have faith that my problems are in His hands and that not only will I come out of this situation a healthier person, but stronger in faith. Right now, my issues (and my family's) with food CAN and WILL BE defeated. As Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through him who strengthens me"
Many of you have shared your struggles with me, we all have weaknesses that we either choose to deal with or ignore. I encourage you to have faith, that you can and will defeat those things in your life that keep you from living your best life, the one God wants us to have.
I am determined that I will be happy with me.....even without a Big Mac in my hand!
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