There's a preface to this post. In no way am I complaining or putting down ANY family member in this post. The purpose of this blog is to address my issues and how I'm working on being a better person. Criticism is a constant issue I deal with almost every day and I'm opening up to share my experiences with my readers....good, bad or otherwise.
Criticism. As defined by Google...the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults or mistakes.
Peter Clemens posted an article online called The Sensitive Person's guide to Handling Criticism. The post begins like this:
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re happily going about your day when, out of nowhere, someone criticizes something you say or do. Suddenly you lose focus and can’t stop thinking about what they said or
wrote. You know you shouldn’t be bothered, but knowing doesn’t help you stop thinking about it over and over and over.
That's me...all my life. Growing up, my mother was critical of so many things I did. Many times as a teenager I resented her critism. I felt like I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Everything from my choice of clothing, boyfriends or my grades was subject to her harsh criticism. I hated it. Fast forward twenty years....guess what? I'm married to someone who criticizes me even more than my mother did! What does he criticize? Well.....just this morning he critized the way I keep house, cook meals, deal with Ian, and my apparent laziness. Yep, can you imagine how I feel? This morning I cried. Like with my Mom, I try very hard to please and I ALWAYS strive to do my best with everything. But the feelings of being defeated and demoralized continue. Why? Because I let other peoples words affect me and bring me down. So what can I do to change this? I know what y'all are thinking....I need to kick his butt to the curb. No, that's not the answer either. Just like I couldn't change Mom i can't change my husband either. He's going to voice his opinion. So its my reaction and feelings that I can control. The first thing I realize about criticism is that it isnt about me, people are the way they are because thats the way they are. Secondly, I can't take the criticism personally. As the sign in my classroom says "Breath in, breath out, move on" Just keep going on. Lastly, I'm not going to let someone else's words stop me from being me and doing what I WANT to do and how I want to do it. I won't bottle up my feelings but channel them in a positive manner, like this blog. Will this cause problems? Probably, but I'm not worried. I'm working on ME, and he will need to work on his own stuff, which he refuses to do, so that is his own cross to bear, not mine.
Footnote: its already been brought to my attention that I should be talking to my husband about his criticism. I have, many, many times. He sees his criticism as voicing his opinion and he feels like he has the right to voice his opinion, which he does. But it hasn't changed the fact that he continues to criticise. As I said, I've addressed it with him with no change so all I can do is work on myself and have him deal with himself. That's the way I see it.
The advice I gave was pulled from the article I cited at the beginning of my post. More information was given in that article so I would encourage you to Google it and read it.
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