FEAR

Last Christmas my family had portraits done. When I saw them I was absolutely horrified. Why? I looked FAT! Charlie and the chocolate factory blueberry girl fat! So what was I doing about it? Absolutely nothing! I work full time, I have two kids, one with special needs, I have a house to clean, meals to cook, oh yes, and a husband. I don't have time to think about that. I buried my problems in fried chicken, potatoe chips and chocolate cookies.

Stepping back, I have a confession to make. I am currently receiving counseling through my church. I won't go into all the reasons why, but its safe to say me and my family deal with huge issues almost on a daily basis and thankfully the Children's Minister recognized that I was on the verge of a breakdown. It became crystal clear to me in my first session what my problem is. In dealing with life, I forgot about me. Me didn't matter anymore. 

Last week my brother in law Jack came to visit/stay with us after many years of being away from the family. My husband's family came over, we grilled out and went to the beach. I don't swim nor do I get into a bathing suit nor do I use the bathroom until we get home. Eight hours. That's how long I held it that day. Within 24 hours I knew something was very wrong. My nether region burned like a fire cracker. I couldn't sleep at night and I was applying large amounts of desiten to try get by. After one week I could bear it no more. I went to the doctor. You see I hadn't been to a doctor in over three years. I didn't go simply because of FEAR! My Mom died at 40, leaving us kids without her and in my twisted way of rationalization, I figured I can't be diagnosed with anything if I don't go. Me didn't matter.

I sat in the doctors office and from the get go I knew it was bad.......very bad. My blood pressure was 175/100. Great. They took blood and urine and I waited. Yes, I had a massive bladder infection, yes my blood pressure was extremely high. But this time, there was something unexpected. I am also diabetic. There.....I said it. Normal numbers should be below 6, mine was 8. My sugar was 265. High, but not going into coma high. I am also anemic, and my liver enzymes are elevated. So I'm now on an antibiotics for the bladder infection, blood pressure meds, and oral meds to reduce my sugar. I was given a booklet about the low carb diabetes diet and I went home. I sat on my couch and moped. Then it hit me.....
In taking care of me, I need to take care of me! DUH! I need to take care of me so my kids will have their Mom at their high school graduations and weddings. I HAVE to do this. I have to change! 

So.....I started this blog so I can share my experiences, good or bad. I need to write about this to motivate myself in making healthy changes. 

In five days I've lost approximately 15 pounds. No soda, smaller portions, no second helpings and no junk food. I am on  mission.....a mission to take care of myself and be a happier and healthier ME!