Serena's 12th birthday was Friday, September 13th. Every year around this time I get to thinking of the circumstances of her birth. Many of you knew me back then and are very familiar with this story but may enjoy hearing this story yet again. For those of you who have never heard this, feel free to laugh AT me.
Background info: The kids Dad, Jack and I never were married although we were together for twelve years previous to our 2008 breakup. Jack is fifteen years my senior, although he was previously married, he had no children. Medically, I had gynecological issues, which basically involved the lack of menstral cycles. I was put on birth control pills at nineteen to help this issue. Eventually, my doctor discovered that the BC pills were causing my severe migraines and was contributing to my high blood pressure. In 2000, I had testing done and it was concluded that I had polycystic ovarian disease. My testosterone levels were high and the likely hood of having fertility problems was high as well. At this point I was taken off birth control. I left the doctors office that day with the understanding that I would probably never have children. Jack had just turned forty. I accepted it and went on with my life.
February 2001, a teacher at my school passed away and there was overwhelming sadness that filled me. I felt awful. Sick, all day everyday. I'd cry a lot. I slept a lot.
Spring 2001, I'm feeling better, but my right thigh went numb. I'm lightheaded. Although I have little appetite, my clothes are becoming too small, particularly around my waist. While laying on my stomach I felt a baseball size "mass" in my lower abdomen. I called my OB/GYN and made an appt. for late May. I didn't tell the receptionist about the mass. I just said I needed to see the doctor. I just waited.
May 7, 2001. I woke up sick again. I went to work but I didn't eat breakfast. By mid morning I knew I was going to pass out. I went to the school nurse. Instead of calling for an ambulance she took me to the ER. They immediately put me on a heart monitor, ordered blood tests, CT scan and X rays. While I was having the CT scan, I was told by the tech that the scan had to be stopped because I was pregnant. I was sent to ultrasound where it was confirmed that I was twenty weeks pregnant. Five months...half the pregnancy was already over. I was also told that the baby was a girl.
Jack came and picked me up and I told him the news. We were both in shock. The next day I saw my OB/GYN, he confirmed the pregnancy as well. He was surprised.
In late August at thirty two weeks I went into premature labor. My blood pressure had also increased so I was put on bed rest and took meds to stop labor.
On September 11, 2001, I had a doctor's scheduled for that morning. The doctor said to stop taking the meds. I did. Labor pains started immediately. On the way home we heard that planes had hit the twin towers and the Pentagon. At the time we lived about thirty minutes outside Washington D.C. Phone lines were jammed. I sat at home recording contractions. I turned the TV off. I couldn't watch. I had contractions off and on that day and the next. On Thursday, September 13th I woke up with an awful headache. I had another doctor's appointment that morning. My blood pressure was 215/115. I was admitted to the hospital, put on IVs to lower my BP and induce labor. Later that night Serena's heart rate dropped and I was taken in for a C section. She was born that night. The name I had chosen for her meant serene or peaceful. How appropriate. So much death was around us but this sweet baby had given us such peace. Every year on the anniversary of 9/11 we refect on the events that changed the world. I think of the event that changed my life forever. The two will be forever entwined.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Dealing with a cronically crtitical spouse
There's a preface to this post. In no way am I complaining or putting down ANY family member in this post. The purpose of this blog is to address my issues and how I'm working on being a better person. Criticism is a constant issue I deal with almost every day and I'm opening up to share my experiences with my readers....good, bad or otherwise.
Criticism. As defined by Google...the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults or mistakes.
Peter Clemens posted an article online called The Sensitive Person's guide to Handling Criticism. The post begins like this:
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re happily going about your day when, out of nowhere, someone criticizes something you say or do. Suddenly you lose focus and can’t stop thinking about what they said or
wrote. You know you shouldn’t be bothered, but knowing doesn’t help you stop thinking about it over and over and over.
That's me...all my life. Growing up, my mother was critical of so many things I did. Many times as a teenager I resented her critism. I felt like I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Everything from my choice of clothing, boyfriends or my grades was subject to her harsh criticism. I hated it. Fast forward twenty years....guess what? I'm married to someone who criticizes me even more than my mother did! What does he criticize? Well.....just this morning he critized the way I keep house, cook meals, deal with Ian, and my apparent laziness. Yep, can you imagine how I feel? This morning I cried. Like with my Mom, I try very hard to please and I ALWAYS strive to do my best with everything. But the feelings of being defeated and demoralized continue. Why? Because I let other peoples words affect me and bring me down. So what can I do to change this? I know what y'all are thinking....I need to kick his butt to the curb. No, that's not the answer either. Just like I couldn't change Mom i can't change my husband either. He's going to voice his opinion. So its my reaction and feelings that I can control. The first thing I realize about criticism is that it isnt about me, people are the way they are because thats the way they are. Secondly, I can't take the criticism personally. As the sign in my classroom says "Breath in, breath out, move on" Just keep going on. Lastly, I'm not going to let someone else's words stop me from being me and doing what I WANT to do and how I want to do it. I won't bottle up my feelings but channel them in a positive manner, like this blog. Will this cause problems? Probably, but I'm not worried. I'm working on ME, and he will need to work on his own stuff, which he refuses to do, so that is his own cross to bear, not mine.
Footnote: its already been brought to my attention that I should be talking to my husband about his criticism. I have, many, many times. He sees his criticism as voicing his opinion and he feels like he has the right to voice his opinion, which he does. But it hasn't changed the fact that he continues to criticise. As I said, I've addressed it with him with no change so all I can do is work on myself and have him deal with himself. That's the way I see it.
The advice I gave was pulled from the article I cited at the beginning of my post. More information was given in that article so I would encourage you to Google it and read it.
Criticism. As defined by Google...the expression of disapproval of someone or something based upon perceived faults or mistakes.
Peter Clemens posted an article online called The Sensitive Person's guide to Handling Criticism. The post begins like this:
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re happily going about your day when, out of nowhere, someone criticizes something you say or do. Suddenly you lose focus and can’t stop thinking about what they said or
wrote. You know you shouldn’t be bothered, but knowing doesn’t help you stop thinking about it over and over and over.
That's me...all my life. Growing up, my mother was critical of so many things I did. Many times as a teenager I resented her critism. I felt like I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. Everything from my choice of clothing, boyfriends or my grades was subject to her harsh criticism. I hated it. Fast forward twenty years....guess what? I'm married to someone who criticizes me even more than my mother did! What does he criticize? Well.....just this morning he critized the way I keep house, cook meals, deal with Ian, and my apparent laziness. Yep, can you imagine how I feel? This morning I cried. Like with my Mom, I try very hard to please and I ALWAYS strive to do my best with everything. But the feelings of being defeated and demoralized continue. Why? Because I let other peoples words affect me and bring me down. So what can I do to change this? I know what y'all are thinking....I need to kick his butt to the curb. No, that's not the answer either. Just like I couldn't change Mom i can't change my husband either. He's going to voice his opinion. So its my reaction and feelings that I can control. The first thing I realize about criticism is that it isnt about me, people are the way they are because thats the way they are. Secondly, I can't take the criticism personally. As the sign in my classroom says "Breath in, breath out, move on" Just keep going on. Lastly, I'm not going to let someone else's words stop me from being me and doing what I WANT to do and how I want to do it. I won't bottle up my feelings but channel them in a positive manner, like this blog. Will this cause problems? Probably, but I'm not worried. I'm working on ME, and he will need to work on his own stuff, which he refuses to do, so that is his own cross to bear, not mine.
Footnote: its already been brought to my attention that I should be talking to my husband about his criticism. I have, many, many times. He sees his criticism as voicing his opinion and he feels like he has the right to voice his opinion, which he does. But it hasn't changed the fact that he continues to criticise. As I said, I've addressed it with him with no change so all I can do is work on myself and have him deal with himself. That's the way I see it.
The advice I gave was pulled from the article I cited at the beginning of my post. More information was given in that article so I would encourage you to Google it and read it.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Renewal in Autumn Blessings
Happy September! There are so many things that I love about September. It starts getting cooler, Serena and Carl have birthdays (not to mention both my parents birthdays, my Mom wouldve turned 61 this year). Fall, football, and the Sprint Cup Chase begins. I start seeing pumpkins and apples all around. I would say changing leaves, but that doesn't happen down here until December...lol. I love cooking chilli, stews and soups in my crock pot this time of year too! There are so many wonderful things in Autumn. I found a good name for all of these things.....Autumn Blessings! The air in Autumn feels so refreshing and when I go outside and breathe the Autumn air I feel renewed and rejuvenated. And that, my friend, is the true blessing! Since making my health and spiritual changes I have felt renewed and with the starting of September, I feel even more energized! I'm excited about living life and enjoying God's handy work around me. So from me to you, I'm sending warm hugs and a big smile to say something great is on the way and be hopeful in God's plan for us in this new season!
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